Love at First Bark Read online

  With the exception of a bit of texting every day, it had been six long, quiet days since they’d returned from Minnesota, days Ben had filled with work projects, a trip to the climbing gym with Taye, and long jogs with Turbo. He’d missed Ollie as much as he’d missed Mia. He missed the way the kid stuck out his tongue and breathed through his mouth whenever he was using his fine motor skills. The way he never grew tired of pasta, either doused with meatballs and sauce or drizzled with butter and Parmesan. The way his gangly seven-year-old body—poky elbows and knees and slight, long torso—fit against him when Ben was reading to him at night. Missed witnessing those still-unmasked emotions throughout the day—the whole range of them.

  He missed both of them much worse than he’d ever missed them before. Only they weren’t his to miss. Not yet. Maybe never.

  He didn’t think it was just self-preservation when a voice inside him gave a clear and distinct rebuttal to the maybe never thought. Mia loved him back; she was just coming to terms with what it meant to bring him into her life as her lover.

  He knew this from more than those couple nights when she’d been in his bed. It was from the lightness that had been in her eyes, her laughter, and the ease with which she’d smiled. That had all been directed his way so many times over their time in the cabin.

  He’d parked the Jeep and was getting out when he spotted Ava turning onto the street. Damn. She was fifteen minutes early. Ben had been hoping to have a few minutes alone with Mia, but he resigned himself to waiting until everything was decided and the for-sale papers were signed and Ava went on her way. He reached back in for his attaché case, shut the driver’s side door, and headed over to greet her.

  Ava stepped out, eyeing the house the way most people eyed a fresh-baked pizza. “Gorgeous. Perfect curb appeal. Perfect location. Great street. You can send me these any day of the week, please and thank you.” Finished with her once-over of the house, she stepped in to plant a kiss on his cheek. “Morning, beautiful.”

  “Morning, Ava.” She’d been his go-to real estate agent since the first loft he refurbished five years ago. She was dedicated and knew the market well. Ava had been in his architecture classes but had dropped out in their second year to sell real estate, and he’d never heard her voice any regrets. She was a tenacious real estate agent and one of the youngest top agents in the city. This morning, dressed in a red power suit and wearing black four-inch heels, she certainly fit the part. “Is the market here still as hot as it was?”

  She gave a one-shoulder shrug as they headed down the walkway toward the house. “Not as hot, but not terrible. As I said on the phone, if she lets me stage it, I’m confident I’ll get her a couple contracts in the first weekend.”

  “Remember what I said, okay?” he said as they neared the door. “Don’t mention any staging costs.”

  She gave him an inquisitive look, but nodded. “Yes, Daddy Warbucks.”

  Ben was debating rather or not to address the softly whispered comment when Mia pulled open the front door. She looked at Ben first, then focused on Ava. He made the introductions, wondering how he could slip into the conversation that Ava was married but not seeing how to do it without it being obvious. Sooner or later, Mia would notice the four-carat ring on Ava’s finger. It was one of those things people noticed.

  “Thanks for coming.” Mia had her hair pulled back in a messy bun, highlighting her long, smooth neck. She was in jeans that hugged her hips and a snug-fitting teal cardigan that fell open to her sternum, drawing Ben’s attention to the small snap buttons closing it over her breasts. God, he’d missed her. So much more than just physically, but his body ached to pull her in to him and draw in her scent and experience the pleasure of those now-familiar curves and peaks as they pressed against him.

  Dropping behind on purpose as Mia led Ava upstairs to start the house tour, he headed for the dining room table and set his attaché case on top. He had a pile of paperwork to look over once more. He dreaded doing so, but he was about to bring some delicate details to Mia’s attention.

  One afternoon in Minnesota, they’d finally gotten around to talking about Mia’s finances and some of the big-action items on her plate like this house. When Ben had asked if she’d want to stay here if money wasn’t an issue, and she’d given an emphatic “No,” he’d not objected. While he was deeply vested in the outcome of her decisions, he was also the executor of Brad’s will and Ollie’s godfather. It was a difficult line to walk. If she’d wanted to live here, he’d have helped make it happen. He was committed to helping her wade through a series of tough decisions to find what was right for her.

  To further complicate things, after she’d given him permission to dive in and get an accurate picture of the bills and expenses, he’d done his best to come up with a financial plan that would pay off her accumulated debts and manage her modest lifestyle funded solely by the meager life insurance she’d be getting, the savings from their joint account, and the money she earned from her art sales.

  It had been an impossible task.

  So this morning, Ben faced the less-than-pleasurable job of convincing her to let him step in and help. Knowing her independence and the standards she held herself to, he suspected it wouldn’t be easy.

  It might help if he were able to explain everything. If he could go back a little over eight years ago to day one and tell her it had been him who’d had his world shaken by that passionate speech she’d made. Tell her that while listening to her talk that day, he’d felt as if everything in his life up to that point had been leading him to her. And how he understood that since then, their universe had still been aligning, because how else could Ollie be explained? And he’d tell her how even if he had the power to go back and change it, he wouldn’t.

  But even if it meant losing her, he couldn’t tell her those things. How could he when he had so much to gain by telling her something that could make her question a life she’d spent the last eight years holding together? He couldn’t. All he could do was hope she’d let him in regardless, let him love her now and every day they had left. It would be enough for him.

  And he hoped it would be enough for her too.

  * * *

  The onus was on her to talk. Mia knew that, but she couldn’t make herself do it. She sat at her old dining room table twenty minutes after Ava left, staring at the spreadsheet Ben had printed out for her to review, her insides a roiling ball of anger and embarrassment and injured pride.

  She’d left Ollie with Lynn this morning to get here early and get some work done. Two hours in this place, and she’d found a dozen unnecessary and expensive items that Brad had likely loaded onto his new credit card in the months after she’d left. Until this morning, she’d not realized the depth of the bender he’d been on.

  Maybe some of it could be returned. That would take diving in and finding receipts and shipping the stuff back. It wouldn’t be enough though. Not even close. If only she could wave a wand and all this would disappear—along with a mountain of bills she couldn’t pay and this house payment too.

  She was between a rock and a hard place, and Ben was offering her money. A gracious no-interest loan to help her get back on track.

  Only she didn’t want it. She didn’t want to need him. She wanted him, yes. There was no getting around that. The second she’d laid eyes on him this morning, her pulse had started racing. And that was before he’d slid out of a bomber jacket, and she’d noticed how he was dressed down for a Saturday in jeans and a snug gray T-shirt underneath an open long-sleeved cranberry-colored shirt.

  It had been safer to focus her attention on the gorgeous and sharply dressed real estate agent who appeared to be much more in Ben’s league than she did. After a minute or two of contained jealousy from spying Ava planting a kiss on Ben’s cheek as they got out of their cars, Mia had realized that while they were familiar and easy around each other, there didn’t seem to be any visible a
ttraction between them. Ten minutes later, she’d realized Ava was married.

  But none of this would help her pay the bills that were due. Or overdue. And Ben had laid out in these spreadsheets how paying only the minimum on the new high-interest credit cards was going to escalate her problem a year down the road.

  “If you can get the asking price Ava suggested,” Ben said into her continued silence, “which she’s confident you will, you’ll have eight or ten thousand left over in cash when the dust settles from paying off both the first and second mortgages and the late-payment fines that were racked up in the last few months. You can use it to pay me back, if you’d like. Or you can keep it. It’ll be a nice cushion in your account,” Ben said into the silence.

  Mia’s stomach was queasy and unsettled. She’d known it would be bad, just not this bad. She wanted to rage and to cry; she just didn’t want to do either in front of Ben. Something about him having become her lover ruffled her pride about airing her dirty laundry in front of him.

  She drummed her fingers and stared at the negative five-digit number in front of her. She needed money, and she needed to get it from somewhere. Or she’d have to file for bankruptcy. Aside from Victor and Irene, Ben was the only one she knew with any money to spare, and he was offering the amount she needed in a no-interest loan that she could pay back on her terms.

  She thought of her mom. Lynn hardly had a spare dollar to her name, and when she did, she gave it away to people who were in greater need. There was some money in her grandparents’ house. It wasn’t worth much, but it was paid off. Lynn would be happy to let Mia have some of the money if it was to be sold. Only where would she live then?

  “I could ask my mom to take out a home-equity loan on my grandparents’ house.”

  Ben was silent a moment, the muscles in his jaw sharp and pronounced. “You could.” It was his turn to drum his fingers. He sat back in his chair, and Mia thought she picked up on a slight shake of his head.

  “People get home-equity loans all the time,” she said into the silence hanging between them.

  “That’s true.”

  “But clearly you don’t think it’s a good idea, so can you please tell me why?” Her voice pitched, and she pushed back from her chair and started pacing the length of the main floor, her socked feet unsatisfyingly quiet on the hardwood floors. “Since I’m asking,” she added, referring to his earlier promise not to sway her in any direction she wasn’t comfortable with. She pressed her thumbs into her temples as she walked, trying to ward off the headache that was pressing in.

  “Since you’re asking,” Ben repeated, pushing back his chair and walking into the living room where she was pacing. “You’re right. People get home-equity loans all the time. Only your grandparents willed the house to your mom, and she’s leaving for Kenya again in a few weeks. The title would need to be transferred over to her if it hasn’t been, which can take months, and then there’s the condition of her credit.

  “If she has any, I suspect it’s not great. Interest rates are decent right now, but she’ll likely pay a few points more than necessary, which will cost you more in the long run. On top of that, a refinance is simpler than a sale, but it’ll take time and a lot of energy on your part. A lot of documentation and running around. And selling a house—this house—and cleaning up all the shit Brad left you with will be draining. Since you’re asking me, my advice is to skip it and let me lend you the money.”

  Mia stopped pacing at the edge of the couch and set her hands on her hips. There was a solid eight feet of space between them, and she wanted to keep it that way. “Who’s offering me this money, Ben?”

  He frowned. “I don’t understand.”

  “I’m asking in what role are you offering it to me? As executor of the will? As Ollie’s dad’s best friend? You’ve got his other family covered. Or how about as Ollie’s godparent? Because our sleeping together last week makes this a little bit messier, doesn’t it? I know I started it. I get that. And I’m not sorry. Maybe I should be, but I’m not. It’s just… That thing you said when we were together… It doesn’t make sense. At all. People say stuff when they’re having sex. I know that. Only I can’t forget it.”

  It was out before she contemplated it. Mia wasn’t sure what reaction she was hoping for, but it certainly wasn’t to see the stricken look that passed over him. This man had climbed Everest, and her words had just taken the wind from him.

  Finally, he said, “Can you just accept that I’m here for all of those reasons and more? Just because the answer isn’t simple doesn’t mean it isn’t clean or right.”

  Mia folded her hands over her mouth and nose, taking a few calculated breaths. She shook her head abruptly and dropped her hands. “I don’t want to need you any more than I do.”

  “Money isn’t going to change what’s already between us, Mia. I won’t let it. I won’t let you let it.” He closed the distance between them and kissed her hard, harder than he’d kissed her yet.

  Her hands found their way under his T-shirt and up the side of his ribs, savoring the feel of him the same way she savored a rainstorm after a long string of hot summer days. She was crying and shaking and kissing him all at once, and he was shaking too, she realized.

  She pulled away from his kiss and tucked her head under his chin, pressing her forehead against his neck. She draped her arms over his shoulders, pulling him closer. “Then tell me it’s okay to love you, because God help me, I do.”

  Chapter 26

  “You’re going to need a bigger house.” Lynn had come around the corner into the kitchen. Brody was straddled across Lynn’s hip, tangling his chubby fingers in her hair. It was their second time babysitting him in a week. Ollie was young and accepting. Although he was surprised, he was getting excited over the prospect of having a baby brother, even though Brody wasn’t going to live in their house.

  Mia skimmed the vegetable peeler across the surface of a russet potato for the shepherd’s pie she was making for dinner. “This house is working fine. While I get settled.”

  She wouldn’t have put any money down that Lynn would warm up to Brody in the few weeks she had left before heading back to Kenya, considering her lingering feelings about Brad. But after Lynn had spent less than an hour with him, Mia had realized otherwise. Lynn wasn’t exactly doting on the baby—that wasn’t her way—but Mia had heard her chuckle a few times, and her voice was starting to dip just a touch when she talked to him.

  Mia couldn’t blame her. Babies were irresistible, and Brody was certainly no exception.

  “Getting settled isn’t always advisable, Mia.” Lynn carefully extracted Brody’s fist from a tangle of hair. “Nor is settling. For anything. I think we should sell it. You can take half the money and invest it in a house with a new energy to it. At least a new energy for you. I’ll give the rest to the school. The eighty or so grand I would get goes a lot further over there.”

  Mia shot her mom a look. She wanted to change the flow of conversation, but she suspected if she made it obvious, Lynn would only press more.

  Ben was in the living room with Taye and Ollie and the dogs. And Lynn was right. With the six of them and the three dogs, the house was overfull. While he wasn’t exactly out of earshot, Ben was helping to supervise as Ollie and Taye practiced some of the signs with the dogs, including Turbo, even though spoken commands were becoming effective with him too.

  Mia finished peeling one potato and reached for another. Her arms and shoulders were already sore from the climbing she’d done at the indoor climbing gym where they’d all spent the afternoon. Ben had only climbed once, scaling the most challenging path that Taye had laid out for him with Spider-Man-like ease. Mia could have stood there all day, silently ogling the defined muscles in his back, legs, and arms visible underneath his clothes, and thinking how supremely lucky she was to get to make love to him regularly. Taye and Ollie had done most of the climbing th
e few hours they’d been there, but Mia had asked Ben to hold the baby while she’d climbed a medium-difficulty two-story wall with minimal guidance. The quiet, suggestive way Ben had said “Impressive” when she’d finished still warmed her blood when she thought of it, drawing her thoughts to the quiet hours after Ollie was asleep for the night.

  It was easy to let their bodies fill the night with the space of things they didn’t talk about in the busyness of the day. There were so, so many things they weren’t talking about. Like if it bothered him that she’d been married to his best friend for eight years. Or how she was ever going to get the courage to tell people they were together. Or if he was okay with this ensemble of Taye and Ollie and Brody in his life, or if he’d want kids of his own someday?

  With all of this still unspoken, selling this house and moving somewhere wasn’t a conversation Mia was ready to have with him in earshot. Everything between them was new and undefined. She loved him, and he loved her. She was still trying to get her head around why, but she knew that he did.

  But being in love didn’t guarantee a happily-ever-after. Especially not with Mia’s world as muddled as it was right now. However, she felt with a rare clarity they’d find something pretty close.

  For a while though, until it felt right, they would have to make do with things the way they were. Ben had a beautiful one-bedroom loft downtown with a remarkable view, and she was living in the smaller-than-average eighties-decorated bungalow where she’d grown up.

  With all this circling through her mind, it seemed to Mia the best thing to do with her mom’s line of questioning was to change the subject. “There’s this thing in America called saving for retirement, Mom. Whenever we do sell this place, my vote is that we invest the money in a retirement plan for you.”